Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
