when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
