hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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