she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
