I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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