I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
