she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
