so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
