And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
