He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's shark week go big or go home
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Shame is for Republicans.
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