I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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