Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
