who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The adults are the big ones right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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