just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
