So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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