Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
