Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
