i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
