You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
