Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
