My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
