I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
