The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
