it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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