Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
