Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize