in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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