I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
