Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
