I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
