When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
