I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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