we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
