I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
