i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize