if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
