woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
