I accidentally burped into my bong.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
