im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
