My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
