happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
