I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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