apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
