I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
