Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize