I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
