My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
