that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
