ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
