The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im part way to drunk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
