O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
