took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
