our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
