I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
