HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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