Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
