It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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