At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize