Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
