Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
false alarm. still invincible.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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