We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
