I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
