alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
