I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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