I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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