the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
