dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
