I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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