im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
