I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
