It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
