I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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