Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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