Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you inspire me to be a worse person
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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