Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
