I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
