youre lurking in front of me
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
