he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
